Thursday, October 2, 2008
I have missed my blog very much.
I am writing an article for all of your regarding "depression". It is a serious subject, and I want to give myself time to create and share the information with all of you.
For now, just know that I am thinking of you...whether I know you or not. The Universe loves you.
I have missed my blog.
Not everyone will have experienced or understand what has been happening to me, but I want to catch you up anyway. I am writing about "Depression". I hope, sharing my story, will help you understand yourself, a friend, co-worker, or family member. Of course not everyone on the planet has "depression", but more people than you might realize.
Depression runs in some of the women in my family. I am sure some of them in the past, were not diagnosed as such, due to the ignorance of the time. As many of you have seen on a TV ad, that depression touches everyone around you. I can attest this is true.
I was diagnosed with depression in 1982. It is a long story, which I will write about in the future.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
I had intended to continue writing about my muse, Hawaii. What came to me instead, is to reflect on "friendship", and what friendship has meant to me. Someday I will live in Hawaii, at least part-time, although I don't know when, or how, but I do know when it does happen, I will add to my "friendship" circle.
My journey in this life, has been amazing. I know the years on this planet, without deep friendships, would not have been as fun, or rewarding. Not always were these friendships through "marriage", or "relationships". Funny huh? I guess I had always thought, that when you married someone, they were your friend too. Boy, was that a rude awakening. It is not their fault, it was where my consciousness was then, or maybe how "asleep" I was. I do know, that I learned a lot through these relationships, and honor that these men shared my journey. I know this, as I know my birthday, I will only choose to love a man, in which the "friendship component" is there, and we are in sync with life.
Speaking of men, the ones that are my friends (not relationships...if you know what I mean), are named Jim and Rick. My brothers, not my lovers. I am very blessed to have two special men in my life, that love me through thick and thin...okay, even with my weight losses and gains...
I have known Jim since 1972. We worked together in the Public Safety sector, and before I knew it, Jim up and retired with his wife Sue, to Post Falls, ID about 9 years ago (how did all those years go by). Besides a girlfriend from high school, Jim is my "oldest" friend....sorry Jim. I don't know how many hours we have talked, shared gossip (early days), dreamed about our futures, and at times, he held my hand through tough situations, and relationships that did not have that "friendship" component. He continues to support me, and understands when I talk in circles, or I take a while to call, or email him. Writing about Jim, is bringing up so many memories, some past and present. Jim knows my essence, fractures, and has "always" been there for me. My eyes are getting watery, so I am jumping to Rick.
I went through a divorce in 1999, and met Rick in 2002 (it is a long story about how we met - which I will write about at another time). I had been missing "male" energy and perspective, so I asked the "universe" for a brother/friend, who I could do activities with. I had decided not to date, because my "patterns" with men were not the healthiest. Remember that "friendship" component....I did not know how to be in a friendship with a man, then allow it to move into a permanent relationship. So I thought, "go cold turkey"! Do not date, until I find out who I really am, and what type of relationship I wanted...
Okay, now for Rick. The Universe answers my call, and brings Rick into my life. We found that we had much in common; believe in a higher power, meditation is the way to go, get out of "ego", honor our individual processes, and stay in "universal" love (no matter if Rome is burning). The Rome is burning part, can take a while. Here is a male friend, that is working on himself at many levels. There is so much I could write about Rick, and will at a later date, but one experience I want to refer to, is the blog write up regarding Hawaii. Rick has been to most of the islands in Hawaii, and to the Big Island many times. His vision is to live there, and grow bamboo. Ricks dream is to ultimately build a sustainable living environment, with the focus on children. ** You can tell, this is a whole "blog" on its own.** If I do not call or email Rick for a year, he still loves me. If I space out, which I have been known to do, and don't show up somewhere as promised, he forgives me and loves me anyway. Now my eyes are watering again.
This blog today, has led me full circle, from male friendships to my beloved Hawaii. Due to these two fantastic men, and the work I have done on myself, I decided to start dating in June 2006. I can tell you, that I attracted a man, that has the friendship component, and is my playmate. This friend, has presented me with the opportunity to experience Hawaii at an intimate level. He has shared his love of Hawaii with me, which I will always be grateful.
I thank Jim and Rick, for their love and friendship, and for understanding the "little girl" in me, and accepting the woman I have become.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I remember in 1959, reading about Hawaii becoming our 50th state. Wow, I was 16 years old then, and just realized, that I am the opposite age now ... 61. I had not given Hawaii another thought at that time. I love being born and raised in northern California. Up to now, California has nourished me, and any kind of weather, terrain, or experience you would want, is here. Yes, I have visited other states in our beautiful country, but Hawaii seemed so far away. I never thought of New York as far away, but in "my world", Hawaii was so much farther. I kept saying someday, but for now, it is too far away, and I bet it cost a fortune to visit.
One of the reasons I am writing about this particular subject, is to reveal and share a shift in consciousness for me. In sharing my story, I hope it also shows how a shift in consciousness, allows all that we want, to happen FAST!!!!
Ten years ago, the subject of Hawaii came up in various ways. Friends going on vacation, television shows, sports being played, and Hawaiian advertisements on the side of buses...you name it, Hawaii was all around me. I still did not make time for a trip. What I did start saying to myself about 5 years ago was, "I am going to Hawaii before I am on an oxygen bottle". As you probably know, I was really saying, I better get there before I get to old, and not be in good health. I kept saying this from time to time, and never moving forward to visit Hawaii.
In November 2005, I was starting to say my "pat excuse" for not going to Hawaii, and suddenly I "heard" in my head, "stop saying that, otherwise you will manifest an oxygen bottle".."and that is not suppose to be your life". Boy, was that a surprise. I prided myself for "keeping my thoughts "clear and positive". It was not only the words that I heard fed back to me by the Universe, but also the "energy" it was delivered. I actually lost my breath, and the "ah ha" hit me between the eyes. I quickly said out loud, "cancel every thought regarding an oxygen bottle", and I am VERY open to going to Hawaii.
The very next day, I said more than once, "I am open to going to Hawaii". Within two days, I saw a bus go by with the "Hawaiian Airline" logo, and two television programs on different channels - one, was the Hawaii tourist organization telling you why Hawaii is the place to visit, and two, was a triathlon being held on Maui. That was it, I just knew I was going to Hawaii.
Two days after my above experience, my friend Rick called, and said he was going to Hawaii in late January 2006, and would I like to go. I said YES, before I had time to think about whether I had the time or money. I kept "open", and just knew I would make the time, and the money would appear. Rick was going for a month, and I went for one week. We flew to the Big Island, and I had the best week of my life. I fell in love with this island, and because of other wonderful experiences in my life since then, I have visited Maui (1), Oahu (2), and the Big Island another 3 times.
The moral of this story, is that when you are not getting what you want, it may not always be that timing is off, it just may be some part of your thoughts are getting in the way. Thank goodness that the Universe did not give me an oxygen bottle, and let me know to stop saying that. I know, that if I had kept saying my mantra about the oxygen bottle, eventually the Universe would say, "okay" I guess that is really what she wants. The Universe was saying, "hey", you are suppose to be going to Hawaii, but the oxygen bottle does not serve you, so we better hold off that trip.
To be continued.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
I had an experience I would like to share with you. It is an example of how to not judge, and to keep your positive energy high, in which to receive opportunities and blessings. This story is to encourage you to practice staying centered, balanced and in harmony 24/7.
Yesterday, I was on my way to San Mateo, to watch my 10 month old grandson, Tommy. It was a beautiful, sunny day, and I could already feel his feel his tiny arms draped over my shoulders when I hold him. I could already hear his giggle, and see his mouth open like a little bird when I feed him. As I was driving (actually the speed limit for once), and listening to Hawaiian music on the radio, I heard a siren. I looked in my rear view mirror, and saw a Highway Patrol officer behind me, and guess what, he wanted "me" to pull over. Over his "loud speaker", he directs me off the freeway, onto a side street. The officer was a young man, about 30-35 years old, impeccably groomed, with a nice soft voice. He came over to my passenger window, and told me my vehicle registration was expired. The officer asked me for the regular paperwork, such as, drivers license, insurance card, and registration information. He also asked me, if I had paid the registration, but had not received the "tags" yet. I told him no, that now I realize I had not paid my registration at all, and yes, in fact it was overdue (7 months).
The officer took my paperwork, and went back to his car to check me out, and write a ticket.
I was fairly sure, that he had noticed that I also have a cracked windshield, that is about 7 months old as well.
Now here is where I jumped right into my "practice". I checked my body out for any signs of stress. Remember it is your "feelings" that tell you where you are, not your head. I noticed that around my heart I was a little tight, and my head was clear and relaxed. I closed my eyes for a moment, allowing myself to focus on my heart, and imagined releasing the stress/tight feelings, etc. I imagined the energy flowing to the sun, and out of my body.
I then focused in my mind, the officer as a great guy, he was having a peaceful loving day, and that all compassion and understanding was projected from him towards me. I imagined that he was understanding, thoughtful, and that many blessings were to come to me.
When the officer finally arrived back to my car, he apologized for taking so long. He explained thoroughly the process to take care of the "fix it ticket" he had written me for the damaged windshield. The next "ticket" he gave me was going to cost some money. This ticket was for the registration being over 6 months old, and the court would notify me within 30 days of the process, and how much I would owe. The officer then informed me that any registration that is delinquent over 6 months, must be towed. Before my mind could even take that it, the officer said, "but I am giving you a gift today", and not towing your car. I know you will take care of your registration right away.
I thanked him for the gift, and that I appreciated his kindness and wished him a great day. I kept a smile throughout the whole process, and created kind and loving energy not only for myself, but for him as well. I also made a conscious decision not to allow this event to ruin any moment of my journey to be with my grandson, or my day, and especially my life.
It takes awareness and practice to maintain peace within you, and outside of you. You can do it. Choose to live your life this way, and I guarantee you will have many stories of "gifts of blessings" for yourself.....but, I do recommend paying your registration on time...
Monday, February 4, 2008
It is now Monday morning, and I had a restful and blessed weekend. I have been up since 4:00 am meditating, writing my gratitude list, magnitizing what I want in life, reading my emails, and now it is time to continue my thoughts on our "cosmic" radio stations.
Have a pad of paper, or a journal handy to enable you to write down your answers to the following questions. Please leave enough space to write down the answers to each question.
- Am I on the "Abundance", or "Scarcity" radio station?
- Do I dial between the stations into static?
After you have answered the above questions, then ask yourself two more, and write the answers down.
- How does it serve me to be on my particular radio station, or staying in "static"?
- What am I getting out of staying on my radio station, or staying in "static"?
This exercise will help bring to your conscious mind the clarity of how you are living your life. Then you can make "conscious" choices of moving out of "fear", and to live an abundant and expansive life.
Example of this process is my "static" energy regarding completing manuscripts for a ton of books that are in my head. I am in various stages, both in my head and writing, but not one manuscript is finished. So, I ask myself the questions:
- How does it serve me not to finish a book manuscript?
- What am I getting out of not being a published author?
Answers to these questions in my next blog!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Ask yourself, are your thoughts and actions positive, expansive, abundant, and prosperous? Or, are your thoughts of debt, dread, scarcity, and loss?
About 6 - 7 years ago, while I was meditating and looking for the nooks and cranny spaces in my own subconscious, that can sabotage my life in subtle ways, I saw a radio in my mind's eye. It had a dial (dates me, doesn't it?), and the dial was set in the middle of two radio stations. One was "abundance" and the other was "scarcity."
The dial kept going back and forth, and on each station the same words ran through my mind.
The "Abundance" station played: I have more than enough, money and prosperity is abundant, I attract what I want, I love myself, I am at peace, I am in the moment....etc.
The "Scarcity" station played: Your car payment is due in two days, where is the money coming from, how am I going to make the rent on time, money doesn't grow on trees, I will never be able to buy a house in this area......etc.
As the dial was on either one of these stations, the music/thoughts were clear and strong, but I noticed as the dial moved between the two, I heard "static".
During this meditation and vision, it became clear that I have a choice of what radio station to listen too, and I asked myself, which radio station "served my life?" Of course it was the "Abundance" station, but I realized that I had been practicing "static," and sending this static to my inner self (sub-conscious), and to the universe. How can the universe help me if I keep sending the same static?
I also knew that if I stayed on the "Scarcity" station, the music I would hear was debt, sadness, I can't pay that bill, I wish I had more money and time.
Our subconscious and the universe hear whatever station or static we send out, and will give us whatever is the steady signal, or song.
Uh Oh, it is 2:20 am, I better stop. To be continued.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
My answer to the first questions: Absolutely, the energy of your loved ones can see and hear you. In many cases, they stay around in this form to help and comfort you. I always encourage my clients to talk to their departed loved ones to talk to them as if they're still on Earth. Because in many cases, they will smell that person's perfume, or maybe even hear their laugh, or a piece of music just suddenly issues from the stereo, which just happens to be their loved one's favorite song.
A couple of personal examples: I was sitting in bed one night with my laptop checking my emails. All of a sudden, I heard the name, "Grace," and felt a slight movement over me and smelled the scent of gardenias. At the time, I had a 96-year-old client named Grace, who came to mind immediately. I told the presence that I felt next to me, "I love you, too, Grace." The presence then left. The next night, the same thing happened. I just knew inside that she had left her life on this Earth. Sure enough, within a week, her daughter contacted me to let me know that her mother had passed away, and one of her last wishes was to make sure that I knew. In fact, she had died on the very first night that I experienced her presence in my bedroom.
The second experience I want to relate was about my own mother, who died 25 years ago of a brain tumor. I was living in Chico at the time, when I got the frantic call from my siblings that she had taken a turn for the worse, and was in a hospital in San Rafael. They told me to come right away. I drove like crazy to get there, and still it took me 4.5 hours, hyperventilating all the way. My siblings had been with her all day, so when I arrived, they took a break in the cafeteria to give me some time with her alone. I joked with Mom, saying, "Mom, what are you doing in here? I'm supposed to do your hair this weekend." She couldn't talk to me, but gave me a big smile at my joke. About two to three breaths later, she was gone. My siblings came in 5 minutes later, racked with guilt that they had left and were not there for her final moments. I kept telling them, "Don't you feel her presence? She's still here, wanting to bring comfort to us. She still lives, just not in her body."
Over the next couple days, I would think to myself, "Mom, I hope I said everything to you. I hope I was a good daughter." Then one night, I dreamt I was sleeping in my mother's bed. And this dream was vivid, so real. I heard a knock at her bedroom door, so I got up to answer it. When I opened the door, my mother was standing there, healthy, vibrant, and in her forties. She said, "I forgive you," and leaned forward to kiss me on the lips. I awoke with the sensation of the kiss, a very distinct pressure, on my lips. I knew in my heart that she came back to tell me that she forgave me, and that that was what I needed to hear. Of course, there was no forgiveness necessary, but she came to help me release my guilt.
Now onto the second question that clients always ask about their departed loved ones: "Are they all right? Are they happy?" In every case, when I've asked that question of those who have passed, I've always gotten these answers: "Yes, there is only love here. I am happy. I am not in pain or discomfort. I am one with everything. I can see and hear and be everywhere." Most of them will also say that they are around their living loved ones all the time. If we want to reach out to them, we have only to ask, and to be open enough to receive the messages.
I hope this brings peace to those who have lost someone dear to them. Know that they are still living, not only in your heart, but in the cosmic vibration of Life.